I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
