I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
