i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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