the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
