remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
