She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
