on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
