her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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