That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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