the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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