she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
