so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We have so much sex to catch up on
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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