Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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