glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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