YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
