I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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