I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize