I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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