i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
