i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
