Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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