Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
