you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
