I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
