i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
