so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
