All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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