Cold hands, warm shart.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
