You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
