I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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