got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
