he thought i was a dude.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
