She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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