It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You are the jesus of drinking
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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