what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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