It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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