well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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