Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
