her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
