he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
