Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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