I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
