you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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