My girlfriend figured out who you are.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
