...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
