I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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