If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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