Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
