I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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