Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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