I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
