i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
