some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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