He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
