I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
