I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
