You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
