shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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