I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
