I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
false alarm, still single
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