Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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