Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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