his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
