He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
