I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
