So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
