Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
