Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
