Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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