he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
