Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
