i don't like sucking hair
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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