Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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