I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
