My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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