i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
