It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
