was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
