Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
