I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
