Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
