I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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