so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize