erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
