it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
