not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
