I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
