idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
