my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
