I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
