Life is so much better after having sex.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I did not marry a roomba.
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