Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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