Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
