you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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