cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
