I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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