god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just made my gag reflex go away.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
