im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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