Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
